Gray’s Anatomy

the grey gang

I revisited my alma mater the other day to check out the LCC show. It was great. I laughed, I cried. I gasped, I sighed. After the show, we old folks hung around the lobby and I noticed… an eerily heavy amount of grays and muted blacks going on amidst the crew.

Why?

“It’s because everyone is gloomy from the recession!” I gasped.

“It’s because everyone is working now and working = sadness = gray.” my cohorts informed me.

“It’s because we all hate our jobs,” another sighed.

“Nobody likes their jobs anyway,” a final one muttered.

And then I realized something.

I like my job.

Let’s let that sink in.

I actually enjoy what I do!

The past couple of weeks have been one of griping, wrestling with God and myself over what my purpose in life is and why I’m doing what I’m doing. A major concern is money. I am a recent university grad with a bucketful of loans and I currently occupy two of the poorest occupations in the world: that of a poor writer and a (sometimes) starving actor. Besides my sad bank account figure, I’m not by any means starving. I have a beautiful place to stay rent-free with my parents and a nice car to drive. I have enough to occasionally eat out and buy myself something pretty. I’m not doing bad at all.

And yet…

I understand that I don’t need to chase after the worldly things in life. I understand that I’ve already been granted the most valuable item in the world. And yet, I still constantly had this nagging anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I’ve been asking God to just let me realize how good I have it and be content but the nagging wouldn’t go away.

Until the realization hit.

I had forgotten how unbelievably rare that is these days, to actually enjoy what one is doing.I had forgotten all those months of suffering in a cold cubicle, counting down the hours until I could pack up and go home. I had forgotten the lonely lunchtimes at a swanky Beverly Hills neighborhood where I was so miserable, I rather wish I didn’t need to eat at all. I had forgotten all the times I would pound my head and lament, “what am I doing here? Am I contributing anything to the world besides being another cog in the machine?”

Right now, I’m relishing in my position. Each day brings new challenges and assignments and tasks, most of which I relish and undertake with gusto. My co-workers are awesome individuals who are way too talented for being so underpaid but working for the sheer love of the industry. I have a pretty flexible schedule to pursue other projects. I meet really interesting people all the time.

I really don’t know what the future is going to hold but I know that I feel worth in pursuing my passions and that’s good enough for now.

Thank you, Lord, for granting me the ability to see that. That is nothing to be grey about.

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posted by Janice | Comment: 4 | God, Job, Los Angeles, Love, Magazine, Personal, Writing

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