I’m Not A Really Good Actor…

But oh man, did I have to do some serious acting in this one commercial gig that I booked recently.

I got called in for an infomercial for a particular teeth whitening company. Based all over malls in the US, the teeth whitening system takes 20 minutes to do and you also get a free massage in the process.

When I got to the shoot, I find I’d be working with three other actors, two girls around my age and an older man. The older man had done a previous infomercial for the same company and told us the product was really good and swell.

So we shoot some scenes involving us faking getting the procedure done. Everyone’s smiley and acting naturally, etc.

Then the company offered us free trials so that we’ll actually know how it feels to get this particular type of teeth whitening done.

First, the whitening assistant stuck the CONTRAPTION pictured below into my teeny mouth.

I know what you’re thinking…how is that even possible? But (that’s what she said) we stuck that big ol’ thing in.

Next, she swiped this goopy gel on my teeeth. And then she set the timer for 20 minutes, and turned on my massage chair and viola! I wait.

I’m not sure which feeling came first — the one of my teeth falling out of my mouth, my gums getting sawed off, or my lips tugging to the far ends of the earth. Maybe they came simultaneously. Nevertheless, I felt a little like a victim in Saw, or a war prisoner getting tortured. The only saving grace was the massage chair where I fully tuned my mind into the rhythmic kneading of my back to keep from screaming my head off in pain.

Many a times, I wanted to just stop the procedure then and there but alas, I am a good Chinese girl who always does what she’s told and is afraid of being rude or a drama queen or causing too much attention. So I waited the most excruciating 20 minutes of my life.

After our time was up, I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth off of the goopy gel. When I looked in the mirror, my gums had turned white. I kid you not, they were the color of my teeth (which is really white, cause you know, I had just gotten my teeth whitened!).

Some thoughts ran through my head like, “So my gums did get ripped off like I felt it did!” I rushed to the teeth whitening owner and asked if this was a common side effect. He said, “Oh yea, no worries, your gums will return to its normal color in 24 hours.”

That’s 24 hours too many, if you ask me.

Next, I had to give my testimonial and, God please forgive me, I lied. Well, not lied, I acted.

I talked about how painless the procedure was, and how glad I was to have gotten it done. I mostly focused on how fast it was, being only 20 minutes long (which was true!)

After me and this other girl, a sweet redhead, was finished, we waited while the other two actors shot their testimonials.

“Was it just me or was that procedure really, really painful?” The redhead whispered into my ears as we watched the others shoot their testimonials.

“Oh my goodness, it was SOOOOOOO PAINFUL! You thought so too?” I exclaimed!

Like me, the redhead also wanted to rip her CONTRAPTION off and she was holding back tears the entire 20 minutes she got the procedure done. The irony was, right after we agreed on the painfulness of the entire situation, we overhear the older gentleman repeat over and over again, “I cannot stress enough how painful this procedure is. It’s so painless! Painless! PAINLESS!”

Riiiiight.

After the third girl finished getting her teeth whitened, we asked her how it was and she admitted she couldn’t even last the entire 20 minutes, she took everything off after just 5.

As we wrapped the shoot, the owner proceeded to hand us some gift cards for friends and families and told us that if we ever needed to get our teeth whitened, we can get it done at any of their kiosks, anytime, just have to bring in the CONTRAPTION.

I tossed the gift cards into the trashcan ’cause I don’t hate anyone enough to ever do that to them, but I kept the CONTRAPTION as a souvenir ’cause I’m sentimental like that.

Aaand moral of the story: don’t believe in infomercials.

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posted by Janice | Comment: 5 | Job, Los Angeles

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