Why I Haven’t Been Updating Here


Monday, 07.21.2014

I’m back!

Well, not really…

Well, maybe…

I don’t know.

The past few years, my presence on The Media Maid has been dwindling. As more and more bloggers sprout up over the internet, more and more “look at me” social media mongers clammered for likes and comments, I’ve all but pretty much disappeared here on my beloved blog. Sure, every once in awhile, you’ll be treated to an emo heartbreak post or a random pop culture piece but most generally, I cannot say I’ve been the most active of bloggers.

Not because I haven’t been writing, you see. I had a stint for awhile at a magazine, I still contribute and help out with some other sites and I still put pen to paper the old fashioned way all the time in my journal but in a weird way, the more I had to write professionally, the less I wanted to write blogically.

Why?

Well, here are just a few of the reasons:

Being a professional writer sapped my creativity

I know this sounds a little bit idiosyncratic. After all, shouldn’t getting paid to write be the dream of any writer? Shouldn’t the accessibility to a computer and blank Word document throughout most of the day as well as being in an environment with like-minded individuals actually help boost my writing prowess?

Well, it did back when I was writing part-time. Because the other parts of my days, I was able to spend it daydreaming and conjuring up weird content to put on my own blog – stuff like being afraid of trees and hate mails to mosquitos. When I started writing full time – 10am-7pm 5 times a week (but usually much longer than that), the last thing I wanted to go home and face was my computer screen. Again.

I faced a lot of big, scary critics.

Granted, most of them were in my head. I had gotten to a point where I kept listening to everyone else about what I should do with my blog. Ebert over there is muttering about how I need to quit sharing all the goofs and mishaps I get myself into while Roeper all the way down there is yammering about how they wished I would be less wordy. It started creating a major writer’s block in me because I just didn’t know what to write about that could please everyone who read this thing. I stopped listening to that voice inside my own head, that gut instinct that told me what was cool and what was not, what was worthy to write about and how to write about it.

I was trying to kick my bad habit.

I’m a really bad big mouth. This bad habit could be as harmless as sometimes I just don’t think certain pieces of information are that big of a deal to share with other people but I didn’t really consider other people’s feelings and sensitivities. This bad habit could also be as grave as I grew up having a serious void in my heart and a need for attention and my way to get that attention and fulfill that void was to share gossip. These past few years have been a gradual but intentional purging of my big-mouthedness. Not blogging regularly on my personal blog about the comings and goings of my life has definitely helped with that process so yes! Some rainbow finally popped out of that dreary old thunderstorm!

Instagram.

As my Instagramming habit increased, it just became easier to take one or two pictures that stuck out to me during the Ambien Online day and share a little bit about my musings on it rather than plot out a whole entry that has a succinct beginning, middle and end. I succumbed to my generation’s need to share everything right now, right away and became too lazy to work my brain muscles out with the sometimes painful process of brainstorming and marinating on a good, long, in-depth topic or theme and then actually typing that out.

Identity Issues.

A lot of the past two years has been devoted to some serious soul searching. Drawing out where my identity lies and how it defined my actions and behaviors in positive or negative ways. So much of my life has been about doing something to carve out that identity. I’d somehow believed deep down inside that if I portrayed a life that looked pretty and sparkly and just charmingly slightly disarrayed, then that was who I was inside. Or also that my identity was based on how well-received my blog was or how many people would email or comment or like each blog entry. I didn’t really want to be beholden to that anymore. Even if I don’t write regularly, I’m still Janice… beloved by my Creator and made for greatness and freedom in ways I can’t even fathom (also created for a bit of big-headedness, huh?). No funny entry, witty anecdote or eye-catching photo can ever make up for that.

So yea… in a nutshell, I guess those are most of the reasons for the lack of life found on The Media Maid. I think most likely, I just kind of got annoyed by myself and my excessive sharing. Funny enough, to the right of my blog’s homepage, this is my writer’s profile, right underneath a eager beaver smiley photo of me in a bubblegum pink t-shirt:

I have this problem. I have a need to share with the world my passions and interests and hope that they will also enjoy it. Hence, this blog is born- to showcase some of the things I’m most fascinated with. Most of the posts relate to the media as it relates to me. (Blame the early twenties neurosis of thinking the world revolves around you)

The late-twenties Janice reads those sentences and think, “Oh god, how utterly annoying, naive and young this chick is. (Cute smile though)”

So after aaaaaall the reasons why I didn’t want to blog on The Media Maid anymore, why this post?

Well, I kind of missed this old friend. I was looking through old photos the other day and I thought, “Wow. I’ve made some incredible memories over the past few years. I’ve had some great people in my life and some grand adventures.” But because I hadn’t been blogging that much these past few years, I’ve sadly almost forgotten about these good times (and some bad times).

Keeping my memories afloat on The Media Maid has given me a most valuable gift – treasure troves of stories and incidentals and thoughts and musings that can help me reflect on my past, present and even what I presumed my future would be. And now that my knowledge of my true identity is more firm and in place than ever before, I feel I can write and share from a place that’s less beholden to my critics and bad habits and fears.

So who knows? Perhaps I’ll be updating more frequently from now on? Perhaps I’ll be shifting how I write and what I write about? Not sure what the future will hold but for here, for now, here is a post.

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posted by Janice | Comment: 3 | Category Blog, Inspirations, Writing

3 Comments to “Why I Haven’t Been Updating Here”

  • Drew July 21, 2014 at 10:11 AM

    Janice, 讀了這篇entry,我超有共鳴的!I went through that process too! I used to have a Xanga blog back in boarding school and university, then I abandoned it when Facebook came along. Now it’s Instagram…but when I looked back at some of my old writings, they still bring back good memories =) such invaluable nuggets of nostalgia that remind me of who I was and the road I have taken up till today.. I still think writing and blogging convey more meaning than a mere photograph, so keep it up!!!! Supports!! =)))

  • Shinn K July 21, 2014 at 7:03 PM

    Yay Go Janice! Just share your story and your experiences! Though it may mean nothing to some, it could mean the world to someone else. You never know who you might bless through your writing, but that is one of the many gifts our great creator has bestowed upon you so I just wanted to encourage you to make time to write out of your love for it. I look forward to many more entries!

  • helen July 21, 2014 at 9:52 PM

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re back!!! and always better than ever!

    love you :)

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I have this problem. I have a need to share with the world my passions and interests and hope that they will also enjoy it. Hence, this blog is born- to showcase some of the things I'm most fascinated with. Most of the posts relate to the media as it relates to me. (Blame the early twenties neurosis of thinking the world revolves around you). (More..)

Email: jjann[at]themediamaid.com
Facebook: facebook.com/mediamaid
Twitter: @themediamaid

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